Habits Every Christian Should Have: Speaking Truth

Just as Satan is the father of lies and liars, so God is the Father of truth-tellers and truth-seekers.

No place for a deceiver exists among the people of God. It is said of Jesus, “No deception was found in His mouth,” and that’s exactly what the Father wants from His children.

There are six things that the Lord hates,
seven that are an abomination to Him:
haughty eyes, a lying tongue,
and hands that shed innocent blood,
a heart that devises wicked plans,
feed that make haste to run to evil,
a false witness who breathes out lies,
and one who sows discord among brothers. (Proverbs 6.16-19)

Part of growing up in Christ is learning to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4.15).

It’s one thing to speak truth with a neighbor and another to temper that truth with love. I’d love to tell everyone what their glaring faults are and how to fix them–isn’t that truthful? Perhaps. But it probably misses the mark of love by a wide margin. When I’m so focused on others’ faults and foibles, I tend to also miss my own, pride creeps in, and I end up looking down upon my brothers and sisters. So love must temper truth.

However, we must always speak the truth with one another.

Have you ever seen an adult lie to a child? This kills me. A father didn’t want his child to know he kept guns in the case, so he told the child the case held his fishing rods. What happens when the child finds out what’s really in the case? Perhaps he doesn’t explicitly connect the dots (“Dad’s a liar!”), but at least subconsciously he learns it is okay to lie to cover things up.

What’s worse is when a parent outright lies to another adult in front of the child–“No, my husband’s not home right now; you’ll have to call back later,” while said husband sits in the living room watching TV. The child learns lying is okay in order to avoid inconvenience.

Lying kills trust. If you lie to me even about a small matter, it then makes me wonder about anything you say in the future. If you’re okay twisting, tweaking, or otherwise adjusting the truth, I lose confidence in your word overall.

Is there a path to redemption after you lie? Can trust be rebuilt? Yes, it can. But trust is earned over a long period of time, and once trust is betrayed, rebuilding it requires another long road of consistent truthfulness.

Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another (Ephesians 4.25).

Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are His delight (Proverbs 12.22).

Speak the Truth with Your Spouse

GossipLet’s talk spousal abuse.

No, don’t picture hitting or shouting.

Picture this: your spouse is not even in the room. You’re with some friends, chatting about life, and suddenly the conversation turns to spouses. One lady says her husband never considers her feelings any more–he just does whatever he wants. You commiserate because your husband has been getting on your last nerve, and several recent episodes tumble from your mouth as you vent your frustration. There! It’s been said. You feel better. You can go on with life.

Wrong!

You have just engaged in a bit of character assassination. Against the one person who should be closest and dearest to you!

God embedded this into the ten commandments: you shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.

“But what I said wasn’t false!” you protest.

Wasn’t it? Think back on the language used. Did you grumble, complain, and resignedly huff, “That’s just how he is!” Did you say “he never…” or “he always…“? Did you allow your frustration to color your language a little? Did you remember all the good he has done to you and for you, or were you only thinking of the recent trouble? When we use words like never and always, we lie, because it’s almost never true! Test it out…

frustrated woman“He never considers my feelings first.” That’s an animal and not a man you’ve just described.

“He always throws his dirty socks on the floor.” That’s quite a track record. Has he never once hit the laundry basket even by mistake?

“She never wants to do what I want to do.” Was that what attracted you to her in the first place?

“She always says just the thing to get on my nerves.” You must be just on the verge of exploding! And I’m sure you always respond with a gentle answer in order to turn away her wrath.

Husbands and wives, will you agree with me that we sometimes do bear false witness against our spouses? We really need to quit. It’s not healthy, it’s lying, and it’s sinful.

We ought to remember that our moods change. Murder is committed when people act in the throws of anger. Paul commanded,

“Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil” (Ephesians 4.25-27)

All these commandments work together. Anger often prompts us to falsehood as we modify and reshape the truth to serve our own purposes. The best thing to do in our anger is usually BE STILL! Don’t act! Wait. Take a breath and count to 10. Or 100. Or 1000. Whatever it takes to cool off. If we speak in our anger and frustration we are apt to sin.

UpsetNext time you feel frustrated with your spouse try this:

  1. Don’t talk to him / her about it immediately. And certainly don’t talk about him / her to others.
  2. Pray about it and ask yourself why you feel so bad about it. Was she intentionally trying to hurt you? Does he even know how what he did or said affects you? Be honest.
  3. Maybe even wait a day or two before you address the problem, and in the meantime do something nice for him / her — just because.

I’ll be curious to know how it turns out 🙂 I have found most “issues” all but vanish given a little time and breathing room. I’d love to know how this technique works in your relationship.

Always speak the truth about your spouse!

Remember: Anger and lies give the devil a foothold in your life.